My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
