closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
