if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
