brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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