the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
