he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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