I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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