Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm both gender and math confused
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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