Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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