that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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