my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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