The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
