I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
