I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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