I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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