i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
