So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I supernannyed him into submission
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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