I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Randomize
