She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
