Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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