It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
