remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
