apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
