ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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