My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
