You're so nebulous sometimes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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