Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
