You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
