The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
