I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
