This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
