u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
