she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
