Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
