Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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