I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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