Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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