Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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