i will never coherently bang her
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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