do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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