Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
