haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
