i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
