it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
