Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
