is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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