They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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