I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
