Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
