Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
