Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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