if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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