We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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